Pitchfork

Remember grunge? Yes, friends, it's a dying art, these days, kept alive only by the iron lung of commercial alternative radio. Turn it on sometime for a look back at Flannel Power-- there are the stars of the show: Creed, Silverchair, Days of the New... But kids, there's something worse going down: this shit is happening all over again. Get ready for the rotten fruits of all that downbeat labor going on right now in Britain.

Alternative TV isn't the most original of band names, but to be honest, I'm still not sure if I'm supposed to take it for its unoriginal face value, or chalk it up as Limey cheekiness. See, the band isn't easy to figure out. Mark Perry sings more cockneyed than Johnny Rotten in a rainstorm, fingers his vintage keyboard like he's the headliner at a Holiday Inn and noodles with an MC303 as if he's just pressing buttons and hoping that the sounds coming out fit the song. The rest of the band make like they're on Hour 72 of some lounge- jazz endurance contest. Imagine the Frankensteinian symbiosis of the Mekons, Stereolab, Massive Attack, the Fall and Pulp, then add shoddy production values.

In other words, if you're taking Alternative TV, it's like this: you're drunk. Really, really drunk. And you've just unknowingly consumed a backwards boilermaker-- one where they drop a shot of ale into a pint of whiskey-- mistaking it for the real thing. And you don't realize what's happened until your lunch is all over the woman with three teeth and a tattoo on her forehead that you were hoping to take home that night. However, if you're just sitting down with the album, waiting for a good laugh, Apollo might get a couple out of you.

There's "Politics in Every Sausage," which is either a calypso parody or a uniquely non-ascerbic take on the poor- and- pissed- on life at the bottom of Britain's socioeconomic ladder. That's followed by the very drunk "A Love Song," which is as barbarically romantic and half as muddy as Soundgarden's "Big Dumb Sex." Meanwhile, "Oh Shit, We Fell From Grace," "Slap and Tickle" and "Return of the Crack" are great titles for not- so- great songs.

And just in case you thought these guys were actually sober while recording, they leisurely start and finish songs with no discretion whatsoever. In fact, the working title for the record could just as easily have been Getting Drunk to Make Music to Get Drunk To. If that was the case, then Apollo is Spot On.