Pitchfork

Though disappointment was my initial reaction, it was quickly superceded by confoundment at what I believe is the malevolent spirit of Daft Club, which collects various remixes of material from Daft Punk's Discovery: Its contributors-- who range in status from the well-knowns (Basement Jaxx, The Neptunes) to, uh, some guy named Cosmo Vitelli-- all seem intent upon completely decimating the source material. To listen to Daft Club front-to-back is-- and it's pointless to exaggerate here-- to watch a loved one be physically dismembered.

The poverty of language prevents me from fully recounting these horrors in my chosen medium, but they say a picture is worth 1,000 of something-or-other, so to this end, I've called on the doodling acumen of Harvard Lampoon artist Farley Katz in the hopes that he might supplement this tour of Daft Club's trail of tears with his feted cartoon stanchion. With his help, I'll compare the treasured etudes of Discovery with their mercilessly maimed remixes.

"Face to Face"
To many, "Face to Face" seemed the energetic centerpiece of Discovery's otherwise decidedly laidback second side. Cosmo Vitelli sacrifices the charming big-beat start/stops and jittery cut-ups of the original, in lieu of an amateur-sounding minimal thump, dreadful organ lines, and disorienting stereo pans that make his remix virtually intolerable on headphones. Here's the replay:

It gets worse. "Face to Face" also gets a 90s Detroit acidhouse treatment fed through the Oakenfold "through the matrix" machine responsible for that mountain of $20 five-disc Ibiza trance box sets that line the entrance to Tower Records. It's called the "Demon Remix"-- and God is really pissed right now.

"Crescendolls"
"Crescendolls", the youthful instrumental that follows the dark vocoded romp "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger", is Discovery at its most fancy-free. The stringy chromatic riff that climbs the scale amidst the bustle of tinny percussion, the blithe chorus-- who would shroud these with a glaze of boxed beats and mindless eight-bit noises? Not Laidback Luke, certainly! He would never do that!

"One More Time"
Blaring horns, shuffle beat, and vapid lyrics that are perfect for the floor, plus a break-it-down (!) and a build-it-back-up-again (!!!) midsection you never saw coming! "One More Time" is on, and if you're like best buds with Daft Punk, you're gonna get in a hot tub with some hot babes and celebrate. It's not like Romanthony's gonna do something stupid like do an acoustic version of the song and actually sing without those vocal effects-- that would be suicide!

"Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger"
Best song ever! Rubbery basslines, pink neon synthguitars, and the least annoying application of the vocoder in the history of the instrument-- this fucker has it all, and as such, magically transports even the most retarded among us onto giant party blimps where we can dance drunk and air guitar to its electric robo-Vai madness. Man, I love this song. It's a good thing there are no "soul snatchers coming" to "snatch [our] spirits from the club." Right, Neptunes?

Indeed, as rarely as remix albums work out for the best, this record bottoms out on par with Weezer tribute albums, deployed WMDs and birth defects. Welcome to Daft Club: Guantanamo Bay, 2038.