Pitchfork

These days, most food products are so thoroughly labeled that unpleasant surprises are virtually inevitable. Fat and saturated fat contents are laid out in familiar gram quantities and percentages, anything that's come within thirty miles of a peanut is generally labeled as such, and potentially misleading words like "healthy" have been yanked from packages of those sneaky little gummy bears.

Most people who aren't named Tipper Gore seem to be pretty firmly against placing warning labels on CDs. And considering the fact that the current labeling system consists only of a single sticker, who can blame them? I think a more detailed, descriptive music labeling system is in order. You know, like listing the ingredients: "guitar noodling, harmonica solos, histrionic vocals, overproduction," that sort of thing. Or maybe more useful labels like, "contains 115% RDA of vocoders," "not a significant source of songwriting prowess," or even "please recycle."

Were such a system to be implemented, If He Is Protecting Our Nation, Then Who Will Protect Big Oil, Our Children? would most likely bear the following, much-needed sticker:

WARNING: Tour-only odds-and-ends release, contains minimal nutritional value.

Truth be told, I had no idea what to make of this disc when I first saw it in stores. Its title and cover art, in which George W. Bush ejaculates oil onto a young boy's head, led me to believe it might be a political-type record. And that seemed like a pretty intriguing concept to me-- to filter the sometimes incredibly surreal state of world affairs through Of Montreal's fantastical, often child-like music could certainly yield some interesting results.

Sadly, as the aforementioned labeling system is not yet in place, it wasn't until I opened up the album that I realized this was not the case. Instead, If He Is Protecting Our Nation offers a disjointed collection of unreleased songs and alternate versions of album material. It would be tempting to say that this album suffers from a simple lack of unity, but their previous singles compilation, Horse & Elephant Eatery, showed the band more than capable of stringing together a great record from disparate sources. The problem is that, quite simply, the material on If He Is Protecting Our Nation just isn't that good.

Case in point: "There Is Nothing Wrong with Hating Rock Critics", in which Kevin Barnes reads off a list of the usual complaints musicians hurl at critics: "What makes you think that you're better than anyone?/ You don't even create, you just critique," then, "There's something wrong with you/ There's nothing wrong with me!" Ouch! Sorry, Kevin, but a lot of us critics, with our "corrupt" hearts, actually really like a lot of your music! I'm not even really that opposed to anti-rock-critic anthems-- The Bevis Frond's "There's Always One", aside from being a great song, actually contains some insightful and well-founded complaints, my favorite being, "Is it cool to be The Velvets/ But pathetic to be Cream?" Unfortunately, "There Is Nothing Wrong with Hating Rock Critics" isn't a particularly memorable song, as Kevin Barnes' voice hovers somewhere between a strangely compelling, paranoid shriek, and his usual bell-clear delivery without ever fully delivering on the power of either.

With its fully rocked-out sound, "There Is Nothing Wrong with Hating Rock Critics" is pretty anomalous for If He Is Protecting Our Nation, most of which consists of a watered-down incarnation of this band's signature sound. All the hyperactive Of Montreal chord changes, oddball lyrics, and off-kilter melodies are here, but the production is pretty thin throughout, and the melodies aren't nearly as strong as they've been on countless past releases. "What a Strange Day with a Swede", "Christmas Isn't Safe for Animals" and "An Ill-Treated Hiccups" are all cohesive, well-conceived songs that suffer from the lack of a strong hook.

Even if they're not the catchiest in the Of Montreal catalog, these songs at least manage to convey Barnes' unique songwriting style in all its playfulness. Throwaway tracks like the almost-tonal rock noodling of "Barely Asian at the Beefcake Horizon", the sped-up pseudo-skit "Charlie and Freddy", and a worthless bongos-n-bass "beatnik" reinterpretation of "Mimi Merlot" may have been fun to create, but offer little impetus for repeat listening. If He Is Protecting Our Nation started out as a tour-only bonus album, and it sounds like one. If you like Of Montreal enough to truly enjoy this album, odds are you've already picked it up. If not, don't say you weren't warned.