Pitchfork

I'll assume everyone owns a copy of the Gourds' Shinebox. The Gourds' bluegrass "Gin & Juice"? Damn, you guys are inconsistent! You pushed Sufjan to #1 at the Barnes & Noble, but you can't be bothered to check for the album that "a music fan" on Amazon.com considered "the best CD I've heard in years... an underground classic"? Add to shopping cart if you care at all about music, or go through life wondering what made "malachy00" say, "Shazam! I won't quantify this one, but iof [sic] you enjoy rock/bluegrass with splash of Snoop then you have found your CD. Buy one for yourself and your neighbor." I have, and I will. And my neighbor bought one for his neighbor and so on. Expect a copy from your neighbor shortly. Spreading like mumps. And why? Because bluegrass and hip-hop are brethren born from the womb of jazz and blues, sharing the same desire to rise above circumstance through celebration and make a cold world take notice. Makes sense, right? Some white guys finding a connection to black music through white music with a comparable thrust, i.e. getting trashed on gin and juice because what the fuck else are you gonna do...? Well, at least it makes more sense than "Radio Heads".

This album title is going places: These are people who are "heads" because they make beats, but they also purportedly like a group named Radiohead, you see? So, I mean, someone probably should do something with that. Maybe they should go on iTunes and get the Radiohead Essentials (nothing off that crappy first album, though!) and give whatever songs to some artists who are in the studio right now. What's ?uestlove up to? He's mentioned Radiohead in a few interviews. Get him to ask some of his friends to contribute something. Have them whip a track together and hope it doesn't sound like the band at one of those live karaoke bars. Just enough to recoup investment and maybe break one song to radio (Mark Ronson and Alex Greenwald's "Just"), if not a spot in a commercial or "Veronica Mars". I don't know. Oh, and the Bad Plus. They're good at this kind of thing. Possibly set something up with Gilles Peterson and have Jamie Cullum and Joss Stone sing a 20-minute medley of all the album's songs with, like, Lee Ritenour and Grandmaster Flash jamming behind them. It's time people knew how funky Radiohead can get, you know? They're so gloomy. Is James Lavelle dead?

So I've got an idea, partially inspired by Exit Music, but pretty much something I've been thinking about for a long time: My instant messages covered by post-rock bands. There's this one from 2002 where I told my friend L00p3r about how I used to set up elaborate crime scenes in my bedroom when I was four years old. I would take all the clothes out of my little red dresser and throw them around the room like someone was looking for a microchip or something. Then I would flip my mattress off the bed, lay on the floor, and put the TV on my head so the blue glow of "ChiPs" would reflect in my dead eyes. I would lie there and wait for my parents to come in and fall to their knees in agony, and then I would jump up and say, "I told you not to make me eat hot tuna!" But they would never come in my room. I think Godspeed! would be perfect.