Pitchfork

People never believe this, but writing album reviews can actually be painful. Yes, painful, I say! Take this here Henry Rollins double- disc offering of spoken word. I thought, "Hell, yes, I want to review it! Henry's the man! Have you seen his tattooz? He must be cool! I heard he used to be in some band called Black Fag or something..."

But seriously, folks, I know Henry, and I know Henry's spoken word, and this ain't Henry. I have discussed this dilemma among a few friends that have heard Think Tank, and there is only one answer for this conundrum-- it's a conspiracy. My theory is as such:

I'm thinkin' that the long- distance people purchased George Carlin's identity for those infuriating 10-10-220 commercials. As part of the deal, Carlin gets to have an operation to look and sound like Henry Rollins. Rollins, meanwhile, gets a royalty off the standup comedy that will be released under his image, though George Carlin is actually doing the shows (and gets some action for his trouble). Carlin and Rollins get a tidy sum, the real Rollins has more time for music, Carlin keeps doing standup and even gets to keep wearing all black on stage, though he's not sure about the new tattooz. Everybody happy, but me. Say what you want, but it all makes sense.

The final result: Think Tank sucks! It's weak, obvious standup comedy almost devoid of insight, sincerity or quality-- three elements one could always depend on from Henry. A bit on airports? The fun and foibles of the ticket counter and metal detectors? Have I fallen into an evil parallel universe? Is Henry re-working his image to be more palatable to VH-1 viewers? The Carlin connection, my friends... the Carlin connection. My kingdom for the return of the real Henry!

Anyway, nuts and bolts, now: Two shows, one from Chicago, one from Australia, lotsa politically- safe "Laffs For Liberals," a few poignant moments, all peppered liberally with "fucks" and "fuckers." I'm listening to it right now and here he goes into the a standard "guys are dogs and women know it" routine. Weak shit. Of all people, one would never expect Henry to substitute language for substance. Fans of Sweatbox or Get In The Van need not bother. Fans of George Carlin's softer moments, please form a que to the right.