Pitchfork

If Kells is the jolly fifth-grade sex-ed teacher enjoying his 20th straight year of "Do girls get boners?", then Sean Paul's the dick in the back row, and Akon's the eager star, taking up this rare modern r&b three-way to win the Long Dong Fuckwell title-- or at least the t-shirt.

No formalities: "With all that meat hangin' girl, I feel like a butcha," Akon starts. "Just wanna chop you up and cut ya." If there's a two-timing entendre at work aside from some sort of history-of-violence deliciousness, I have yet to read that chapter. Then the horny hummingbird gets all Miss Mary Mack en route to a strangely believable in-song creation myth: "R. Kells cop three in the shack/ Sean Paul hit the back and never came back." Unwound and on topic, Akon's definitely working with many a loose screw

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