Pitchfork

Axl Rose photo by George Chin

Guns N' Roses are a once-great pop-metal band with a surprisingly long shelf life, led by a reclusive, volatile frontman who's spent roughly a decade and a half and, reportedly, upwards of $13 million crafting an album/punchline widely known as Chinese Democracy.

Dr. Pepper is a syrupy, prune-like soda beverage brewed by the Cadbury Schweppes corporation.

What the two had in common before this weekend, I couldn't rightly tell you (okay, yes, both are prune-like), but as of March 25, 2008, the fate of the two juggernauts is as intertwined as Dr. Pepper's trademark mélange of 23 flavors.

According to Billboard.com, Dr. Pepper has offered every single person in America (besides famed GNR deserters Slash and Buckethead) a free can of their brew, provided Axl Rose and company release the long-promised Chinese Democracy sometime in the year 2008.

Ah, wackiness, you win again! Though, really, this is an admirable feat of marketing wizardry for all parties involved. Today, folks are once again reminded that, yes, it sure would be great to hear Chinese Democracy before Axl Rose completes his transition into plastic he-beast. Dr. Pepper aren't risking much, since the likelihood of Chinese Democracy arriving this year (hell, this decade) is as slim as it's ever been. And, hey, if Chinese Democracy does, in fact, emerge before 2009? All that sweet Dr. Pepper should help wash down the taste of bitter, bitter disappointment, after nearly twenty years spent waiting for an album that sucks. I mean, unless it's good. Har har.

There's a blog charting the progress of the big "Democracy Now" experiment, with an accompanying press release that attempts to draw some parallel between the Pep and the rocker. "It took a little patience to perfect Dr Pepper's special mix of 23 ingredients, which our fans have come to know and love," Dr. Pepper's marketing director Jaxie Alt points out. "So we completely understand and empathize with Axl's quest for perfection - for something more than the average album. We know once it's released, people will refer to it as 'Dr Pepper for the ears' because it will be such a refreshing blend of rich, bold sounds - an instant classic."

Consider our review already written.