Pitchfork

Editor: ...And, as our experience with reviewing the music of Great Big Sea shows, you should always try to insult and taunt fans of music that we don't like. It gets us all sorts of attention, our site gets all sorts of hits, we generally feel like hot shit. So, that's all I have to say about trashing records.

Unidentified Staffer: Okay, I understand that if we like a record, we should cop verbal feels; if we don't like it, we should kick them in the groin, sure... But what if a record is kind of so-so.

Editor: There are only good and bad records. There is no in between. Now on other matters...

Staffer: Umm... I'm not sure about this one. Sorry, I'm feeling really thirsty-- could I get some more of that coconut rum? ...Thanks. Anyway, as I was saying, I don't know if that's true. I mean, there's plenty of music that can't simply be classified in such neat categories.

Editor: What do you mean? Categorizing is central to what Pitchfork is all about. Without it, we have... nothing!

Staffer: No, no, no... I'm not questioning the value of generalizing as a procedure. It's just that I think we have to be more flexible with our formats. I mean, I just got this disc by Riz Maslen's Ntone outfit, Neotropic. S'called Mr. Brubaker's Strawberry Alarm Clock. I mean, I've listened to it several times and I just can't begin to construct a review based on the good/bad dichotomy. It's mostly this kind of mid-tempo, noisy techno... some of it's reminiscent of late '80s industrial acts, some of it incorporates very basic breakbeats. There are all these overdriven sounds and samples, incorporating My Bloody Valentine- esque feedback, and slowed- down keyboard parts from soul records. Sometimes it sounds kind of spooky, but other times it's just kind of plain. It's neither good or bad. I'm stuck for what to say.

Editor: Make something up. We only allow only good or bad. Anything else and we invite chaos.

Staffer: But don't you think that's kind of dishonest? I mean, what kind of ship do we run here... Oh my god!!! Aaaaaah, my head!! Arrghh!!!!

Editor: Get him out of here, boys. I don't want to see him until his flesh is in shreds. There are only two types of records: good and bad. I'm sure that the rest of you scumsuckers will all agree that this is the best way to approach things...